We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
