i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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