Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
