I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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