Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Pooping to opera.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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