i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
