I have demons in me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
