we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
