maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
