i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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