I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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