Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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