Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
