we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
third nipple confirmed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
