First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
