oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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