fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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