You just made me feel so damn special
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
