He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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