every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
