just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i now understand why vodka
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
