dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
