jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
