So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
