Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He felt like a one man threesome
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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