It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
