where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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