I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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