She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
