I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
