I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
