p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So many bounce houses so little time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
