stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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