Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
