Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
