Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
