Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
