Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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