Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
