Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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