Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
