i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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