I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
