I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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