Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
