It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
