I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
