if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
