sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I supernannyed him into submission
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
