It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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