I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
