Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
