I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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