Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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